How to Handle Anxiety

Anxiety is a massive topic that could take several books to fully explore, but I only have a blog page. However, as a therapist, I’ve found it’s massively helpful to zoom out and break anxiety down into its simplest pieces. 

So let me give you some high-view advice so that you can understand anxiety and begin to break it apart. 

Anxiety is the culmination of two beliefs: 1) Something bad is going to happen and 2) I can’t handle it. Managing anxiety is about challenging those two ideas. Let’s tackle each of them.

FIRST BELIEF:

Something Bad is Going to Happen

The first thing we need to do to manage anxiety is to separate truth from fear. What bad things ARE going to happen, what bad things MAY happen, and what bad things PROBABLY WON’T happen. 

This requires stepping back from the situation—and yes, you CAN step back. Many people will say you can’t. Odds are those people don’t want you using your brain because either they’re benefiting from you being in panic, or they have their own anxiety they’re trying to work out through you. You CAN step back, it’s healthy to do so. Remember that. 

I had a client who had panic attacks because his wife’s ex filed a restraining order against him so my client couldn’t be around their kids, meaning he had to leave his home. He was suddenly homeless, childless, and alone. Terrible, right?

Except…none of that was true. The ex had THREATENED a restraining order, but hadn’t actually done it. My client had internalized this threat as an absolute, and reacted as if this thing was already true! He was searching for a new place to live because anxiety convinced him he was already homeless!

How tragic…and how relatable.

Ever bought something because the salesman said you couldn’t do without it? Ever search for a job because your company could feasibly drop you? Anxiety helps us plan for the worst, but we also need the rest of our brains to triage what’s actually happening and what isn’t.

So start there: step back and consider these things:

--Is it ABSOLUTELY happening? Then continue reading to the next section.

--Is it a POSSIBILITY? Then consider plans, but don’t let anyone tell you it’s a guarantee.

--Is it NOT likely? Then proceed with caution and save your anxiety for things that might actually happen.

Question your anxiety. You are the lawyer in this courtroom, and anxiety is the witness. Cross-examine to your heart’s content.

SECOND BELIEF: I Can’t Handle It

Once again, we must question how true this is, because very, very rarely is.

I think a lot of us don’t realize how strong we are. We think that if we get divorced, go bankrupt, lose our job, lose our business, lose our kids, lose our home, fail in front of everybody, get arrested, get hurt, or get rejected, that our lives are over. We don’t realize how resilient we are.

Now hear me: I didn’t say that these things were fun. We should try to avoid undue hardship, yes, but we should also remember that, while many experiences may be horrifically painful, they are not necessarily the end of our story.

For example: financial ruin is a tragic experience, one that I pray you never face. Yet something in our minds tells us that such a state is permanent. That we can’t get new jobs, build a new savings account, get a new home, etc. Anxiety tells us that pain is permanent and debilitating. Is that true? Not just for you, but as a concept. Is pain the end? Or just something we don’t want to go through?

Because the latter we can handle.

So…how DO we handle such horrid pain? First of all, remember that handling pain doesn’t necessarily meant stopping it. Or even reducing it. It’s good to try, but handling pain means learning how to adjust to a new reality, whether temporary or permanent.

See, that’s the other thing! We think that if we don’t know how to handle a situation, that we can never learn how to handle that situation. Untrue! We can always ask help, do research, or learn by doing. I do not know what I’d do if my license was revoked and I couldn’t counsel anymore, but I know that it is possible for me to get a new career, or appeal the decision, or any number of responses. Yes, it would hurt like little else in my life up to this point, but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t do it!

We can learn how to handle hardship while in the hardship.

That bad thing might happen. But you CAN handle it. You may not want to (justifiably so!) but you have more power than you’ve been told you have.

SO WHAT DO WE DO?

For some people, this advice will ring hollow. Some have been so overwhelmed by anxiety or trauma that they now require professional intervention, though therapy, medication, or both. If that’s you, I advise you to do those very things. There’s no shame in it!

But even then, those interventions will only give you the power to do exactly what I’m talking about: question your anxiety. To ask yourself if these fears have any truth, and whether you might be stronger than you think.

I know this is all very high-view, and it may seem far from your situation, but please, try it. Take some time and ask yourself those very questions: is my problem truly as big as I’m afraid it is? Do I really lack the capacity to face the worst possible outcome?

You may have to rethink reality, call someone for help, or learn some new life skills, but you can master your anxiety when you realize anxiety is only part of your brain. There’s so much more to you, and it has the power to fight back.

If you need help, please reach out to a professional counselor.

Psychologytoday.com is a fantastic resource for finding the help you need in your area.