What “The Amazing Digital Circus” Taught Me About Christianity
If you want to know what Hell looks like, a strong case could be made for The Amazing Digital Circus. What looks like a colorful fantasy of fun and games is actually a prison of pain, despair, and the inability to know what’s real or fake, while you slowly spiral into madness knowing death will never come to save you.
And people think animation is for kids.
TADC is actually a flawed but fascinating show in my opinion, mixing zany comedy with existential horror that should not be possible. And nowhere is that more apparent than in fan-favorite character Jax, a horrible person in desperate need of love.
As Jesus found parables in everyday life, I believe you can find Godly lessons in the most bonkers of places. The story of Jax and the people who try to help him really show the depth of humanity’s horribleness, the agonizing pain that keeps it going, and the sacrificial love it takes to finally put all that to rest.
JAXASS
Jax, from The Amazing Digital Circus.
There’s a fine line between comic relief and psychopathic cruelty. Jax uses that line as a jump-rope.
All the characters are trapped in a computer program of unknown design, and Jax uses this as an excuse to belittle and torment people for his own amusement. He will happily lead people on, then mock them for being stupid enough to trust him. He cares about no one and nothing, taking any opportunity to laugh, especially if it hurts someone.
Yet as the show progresses, we see more and more evidence that Jax yearns for friendship, and is secretly haunted by being trapped in the digital circus, as well as some painful memories. In the series finale (no spoilers), we finally see Jax’s core self, peeling back the layers of loathing and mockery to find a man who only hates everyone…because he hates himself first.
Jax is a terrible person, but the tragic thing is that he knows it.
And he doesn’t know how to stop.
“YOU’RE MAKING THIS SO MUCH HARDER!”
Why would somebody be cruel to others if they hate themselves? The answer can be found in Jax’s mourning lament as someone tries their best to love him: “You’re making this so much harder!”
Jax has shame and pain that he can’t face, so he tries to bury it by acting like he doesn’t care. As if being nasty is fun. And if it pushes people away, so be it! At least they’re looking at his carefully-constructed evil instead of the true darkness within. Yet this only creates further shame and pain, which makes Jax try to escape with nonchalance again, resulting in a cycle that slowly drags Jax into madness.
The longer this goes on, the harder it is to face himself. Jax would rather drown in his misery, even die in it. Because if he can stop caring, he can stop hurting.
But when someone loves you, they see the full you. That includes the evil. For Jax to accept love, he has to look at himself, truly see the pain and shame within, and stop running. And that is so much harder.
LOVE HURTS
Pomni from The Amazing Digital Circus
Love doesn’t just hurt Jax, though. It hurts everyone who tries to care about him, especially the show’s main character, Pomni.
Pomni can’t accept that Jax is just pure evil, especially as she sees the cracks of humanity beneath his shell. Episode after episode, she tries to engage him, to show him grace, and sometimes it seems to work. But Jax always rebounds right back into meanness.
Finally, in the last episode, Pomni makes one last attempt to free Jax from his own prison of hate, and it almost costs her life. She has to face Jax at his most monstrous, wade through the maze of his psyche, all to give him one last chance at finding a single, tiny shred of peace.
Boy, that’ll preach.
Have you ever tried to love someone despite their flaws? And then get hit in the face with those flaws? Maybe they lashed out, pretended to go along with your help, or dragged you into their miserable world. Maybe they got worse, not better. Whatever the result, you end up hurt.
But really, that’s what happens when you love someone.
SQUIRRELS AND SAVIORS
My dad told me a metaphor that I’ve never forgotten. Imagine you find a squirrel that’s hurt on the road. You try to go and help it, but when you touch the squirrel, it bites you. Your reflex might be to hit the squirrel, but if you do, you just forgot why you came there in the first place.
I sometimes wonder why Jesus put up with so much crap. Crappy followers, selfish crowds, torture, death, getting apple skins stuck in his teeth, everything. I don’t think I could’ve done it without throwing my hands up and saying, “Forget it! Have it your own way! Be miserable!”
Luckily, Jesus never forgot why he was here.
When Jesus encountered human evil, it wasn’t a deterrent; it was the entire point. You’ve probably heard the phrase “Hurt people hurt people.” If we want to help someone, we are going to get hurt at some point or another. Probably many times. But they hurt us BECAUSE they’re hurt, so if we want to help them, we have to understand that OUR pain is part of THEIR process.
Let me say it again: OUR pain is often part of THEIR process. That’s not resistance, that’s not cruelty per se, that’s not even wrong in the usual sense. It’s a part of healing.
And healing is part of the Christian’s work here on earth. Jesus did it for us, enduring our crap, our hate, and dying for us anyway because without him, all the crap and hate would never have found a solution.
You want someone to stop being evil? Love them enough to get hurt by them, and you’ll be on the right track.
ONE OF US
Jax and Pomni from The Amazing Digital Circus
One of the most beautiful and painful moments of TADC comes at the end. Once again, no spoilers, but Jax’s condition worsens to the point where he’s an actual danger to the cast. But instead of tossing him out like so many others have been in the show, they find ways to give him peace, and create a home for him amongst them all.
Meanwhile, most of us in the real world wish “those people” would move out of our block.
I won’t lie to you and say loving someone makes them better every time. Jesus himself said not everyone would come to him (Matthew 7:14) and he was the only one who could even make it possible! But just like we’d have no hope without Jesus, there’s no way bad people will stop being bad people if nobody loves them while they’re still bad. Never. You can put up boundaries, you can practice self-care, but if never getting hurt is part of your mission, then Jesus isn’t.
Jesus brought the evil ones into his home, and so must we. Wisely, yes, but lovingly, fully aware that his will be a painful process.
And fun fact: Pomni’s actions don’t “fix” Jax. He doesn’t flip around and become a wonderful human being. But she does it anyway. Why?
Because love is not about how someone else will respond; it’s about who we are. Love is what we do, not what they do.
If you want to truly love someone, meet them where they are, even when it hurts. Hang out with them at that bar your Christian friends say you shouldn’t visit. Let them in when they’ve already run away once. Take their accusations.
And whatever happens, even when you put up healthy boundaries, remember it’s not because they’re evil. It’s because they’re hurt. And when you know that, you’ll be far more likely—and able—to really, truly help them like Jesus did.
