Pause, Don’t Push Through
You ever get overwhelmed at a critical moment? Happened to me recently.
I was going do to some therapy with a client, and it was time for her appointment. Unfortunately, I’d been having some talks with my wife beforehand about some pretty stressful stuff. You know: life, current events, the ever-spiraling entropy hurricane that is our world, the usual.
I was in a bad mental state: stressed, worried, overwhelmed. But it was time for my client. So, I did what I had to do.
I let her wait five minutes past her appointment time.
Shocking? It was to me, too. My brain was screaming at me to just push through. Shove my anxieties down into the basement of my soul and help the person who’s paying me to help them.
Problem: healers heal out of their own well, and mine was empty. If I were to push through, I’d be going through the motions, counseling without any passion, distracted from whatever my client was saying. I’d be a poor helper.
Why are we so content to be poor helpers?
Why do we keep pushing through so that we can do half-hearted jobs, and then call that the morally-superior choice? As if giving out customers, our friends, our family, whatever leftovers we can scrounge up is somehow the right thing to do because at least we gave them their slop in a timely manner?
Ever had underbaked food? Or chicken that wasn’t cooked all the way?
Ever seen a handyman DIY with whatever he can scrounge up instead of actually getting the right parts?
Ever seen a movie or video game that, bless ‘em, just looked rushed and slapdash?
Now, did you ever think that ANY of those things was the superior option? That you should be grateful and say nothing?
Of course not.
So why do we do it all the time? Pushing through may be necessary sometimes, but often, it produces inferior work or inferior conversations. We don’t connect because we’re too outside the moment, just trying to get done instead of giving to others or receiving from them.
Here’s a better way:
When I let that client wait 5 minutes longer, yes, I failed to deliver punctual care to the client. But in those 5 minutes, I paused, breathed, calmed myself, and refreshed my brain. And then for the next 55 minutes, I gave that client superior care that changed her life. I forgot all my own problems, and focused completely on her. And I felt great, too!
Instead of pushing through, why not try pausing?
You know, that thing that…ALL OF US DO? We take breaks all the time! But when there’s a deadline, or someone is waiting, we treat them like the gods of time who must be satisfied. Well, satisfy them with an undistracted presence and an un-anxious mind!
Pause. Take some deep breaths. Clear your mind with a prayer, an app, a mantra, whatever you need. They’ll usually wait five minutes.
Take a few minutes for yourself, and you’ll have an hour to give them. And you’ll both feel better afterwards.
If you need help, please reach out to a professional counselor. Psychologytoday.com is a fantastic resource for finding the help you need in your area.
